Government Bans Big Words

The Government passed a law banning the use of any word in parliament with more than two syllables while sitting under urgency last night. 

Leader of the House Gerry Brownlee said the new law would make parliament’s debating chamber more ‘‘fficient and business like.’  ‘With important pressing issues such as post-earthquake reconstruction rebuilding fixing and internet piracy copyright infringem stolen movies at home and abroad we don’t have time for big words and shit.’

The law even bans words commonly heard in parliament such as ‘legislation’, ‘commission’, and ‘cumburger’.

The move has been opposed by lexicographical lobby group Words First who’s spokesperson Sylvia Stephenson issued the following statement:

We consider it to be absolutely unconscionable that this government should have the audacity to abbreviate the verbosity of our legislative process.  Furthermore, we propose a campaign of civil disobedience to counter the perverse anti-intellectualism becoming so pervasive in our civilization.  We implore all apprehensive citizens to respond by utilising as many multisyllabic words as possible in an obstinate act of defiance against this draconian development.

Every party in parliament voted in support of the law with the exception of the Green Party.

The new legislation also applies to proper nouns.  Peter Dunne has agreed to change his party United Future’s name to U Fu.

MPs such as Tari-ana Turi-a and Chris Auchin-vole will hyphenate their names in order to fall within the new law.

Independent MP Hone Harawira has rejected calls from Far Right commentators to change his name to John Hatfield retorting, ‘that’s my slave name.’