Kill Grimace: Green MP

Sue Kedgley

Green MP Sue Kedgley has called on McDonalds to show the true effects of obesity by forcing their mascot Grimace to die of a heart attack on adverts shown during children’s viewing hours.

‘We are facing an epidemic of childhood obesity that will have huge costs on our healthcare system in the long term.’  ‘Fast food giants such as McDonalds are aggressively targeting young children with their marketing,’ claims Kedgley.  ‘They’re feeding our children toxic ‘food’ and not once do they show the adverse effects this has on their health.  It’s time they showed what happens to Grimace when he eats all that junk food.’

National MP Judith Collins said this was another example of the Greens trying to bring back ‘the social engineering and the nanny state’ that National has ‘worked hard to eradicate over the last three years’.  ‘Whatever happened to personal responsibility?’  ‘Sure, we do have a real problem with childhood obesity, but we believe Kiwi mums and dads know best what to feed their kids and we will continue to let the responsibility lie with parents even though that’s clearly not working.’

While critical of Kedgley’s proposal, Collins did strongly imply she would like to see the Hamburglar being raped in jail.

ACT’s John Boscowen said that the government should be promoting freedom, choice, and individual responsibility by subsidising KFC Double Down sandwiches.

Grimace

Grimace began his career as a spokesperson for McDonalds in 1971.  Despite having severe learning difficulties he grew in recognition and is now considered second only to Ronald McDonald as an ambassador for the global brand.  In 1986 he was awarded an honorary doctorate from McDonalds University.

Grimace is the cousin of prominent gay rights activist Tinky Winky and the nephew of disgraced sex offender Barney the Dinosaur.

When approached for comment McDonalds NZ CEO Mark Hawthorn said ‘to be perfectly honest these politicians are fucking morons.  We don’t even use those characters that much these days.  Our Happy Meal toys are usually Pixar promotions because this is the twenty-first fucking century.’