Psychic Animals Predict Maori Party Victory in Te Tai Tokerau

Michaela the mystic meerkat

Newtown News visited Wellington Zoo yesterday after being tipped off that animals with psychic powers would predict the outcome of the upcoming Te Tai Tokerau byelection.  Three of the zoo’s most popular animals put their psychic powers to the test and their predictions may surprise you.

Up first, Michaela the mystic meerkat was presented with three boxes of juicy insects.  Each box had a picture of a candidate taped onto it.  Michaela initially moved towards Hone Harawira of the Mana Party’s box, but then quickly wheeled to the right and ran passed the box of Labour’s Kelvin Davis to feast on the insects from inside Maori Party candidate Solomon Tipene’s box. 

With the meerkat’s psychic powers having been completely untested and most commentators viewing Tipene as an underdog with only an outside chance of victory the zookeepers moved on to the lion’s den to seek a second opinion from Henry the clairvoyant African lion.  The big cat wasted little time mauling the zebra-meat effigy bearing the likeness of Tipene, while leaving the effigy of Davis alone and steering well clear of the Harawira meal.

After the animal kingdom provided Tipene with two strong endorsements we met Ernie the oracle, a Malayan sun bear who was fast asleep when offered a choice of three pots of delicious honey.  Despite being known for his fondness of honey, Ernie refused to budge and remained deep in slumber.  At the time this article went to print the bear had still not made a selection.  An indication perhaps, that apathy will play a significant role in this byelection.

Ernie the sun bear is undecided